Why can't you just get over it, put it in the past, forgive?...

Why can't you just get over it, put it in the past, forgive, move on, stop living in the past?

My anger, now, is not in losing the relationship. That was a blessing. I just look around and see that, even those in my corner, are not seeing the whole picture. They think he is a jerk, or just selfish...or going through a midlife crisis. Even when I can say that I am fully free and at peace with myself...I will STILL not be at peace with the fact that these people (although not EVERYWHERE) are much more common than society knows and the damage they have caused to our children, to us, to our families...will not go away as easily as the broken heart from a "normal divorce".

I am not angry because I have been discarded....I revel in it. I remain angry in that the justice system and society at large continues to see us a "broken hearted exes who are sad at the loss of a relationship" and not as victims of domestic ABUSE.

They assume we are lying, or exaggerating, because we are hurt and being vindictive. They assume that our rage stems from a “broken heart” and they look at us with those eyes that speak of veiled pity. What they are, unconsciously, doing is calling me a liar and discounting my truths! They tell us that “Time will heal us” and that soon “We will no longer feel the pain of the break-up”

The point is…the pain of the breakup is NOT the pain I feel, indeed, this is the long awaiting “Cease to the pain” that I have prayed for!

Still others might say, with great intentions, that we need to “Let it go” and “Stop being angry” If I could get over it that easily and "let bygones be bygones" and "have a civil relationship" and "be his friend" and exchange Christmas gifts with him via the children, and perform all those other politically correct actions that society expects of a SANE person in the midst of a divorce...than I would have to doubt that I was ever really abused. That would be the same as admitting to the world that I consider him a "normal" man...and denying the truth that he is NOT normal and that ANY relationship that he is in will ALWAYS end in disaster for the other party!

Even if that other party is NOT ME...I want no further part in this charade and the string of devastation he will leave going forward. I do not want to be his friend or his enemy. I do not seek to HURT him but I would like people to be aware of what he is before opening themselves up to his abuse. I cannot warn them...I know that... but I will NOT be a party to the pretense that he is NORMAL. That is a LIE! As someone else put it "I would like to live in a DIFFERENT DIMENSION than the N" That is the only place far enough away.

I was party to a "normal divorce" and was successful in performing the expected actions above...with my first ex husband...but he was not sick. He was a man and not a monster. Please do not assume that this is something I will get over in time. I will get over my distress and I will help my children...and when they are 18...I will go "No Contact" and the N will never again have the power to affect MY life.

But while I am still dealing with the aftermath of the brainwashing and my children are in therapy dealing with the myriad of things that they have endured...and while my adult son takes the meds he was prescribed after attempting suicide based on the fact that he has been convinced that he is a useless piece of crap for the past 17 years...the narc will be out there creating more victims/survivors...and free to continue hurting others, over and over. Going from one to another, until the day he dies.

I will NEVER accept that. I guess...if that is the expectation of society...I will not meet it and if that makes me “crazed”, “unreasonable” or a “Bitch” then I will have to wear those badges too.

I am aware enough to know that I cannot fight the battle of my divorce based on the truth because the justice system does not have time for the truth and, chances are, if I tried to expose the truth I would be seen as a crazy loon. That's the problem, but also the reality. It is also one of the things that angers me. The system always seems to favor the liar and I, for one, am really getting tired of it.

Nothing will ever be done if we keep silent and just get over it.

None of us will be able to do anything about it on our own but by speaking out and adding our voices we may affect some change in the future.