My answer to Foregiveness...

At last my anger has been replaced.  Has it been replaced by total forgiveness. I guess not. Is that a character defect within me? Maybe! I have many of those!  Perhaps it is a question of what, exactly, forgiveness is.

I have forgiven to the point that I no longer desire to see harm come to anyone else…but not to the point that I will let anyone else’s continued lies harm me. I do not seek, within my mind on a daily basis, to recall the abuses and injuries which my family has tolerated so that I can sustain the bright glow of anger which, to me, felt justified. Now I remember and communicate these abuses and injuries for a good purpose…to help others see that they are not crazy…not damaged beyond repair!

I  have forgiven to the point where I do not hate…but not to the point where I will expose myself to a situation in which I know I am likely to be manipulated. I do not take responsibility for anyone else’s actions  and I will not allow the lies told about me to disturb my serenity.

I have forgiven to the point where I will not seek to prevent the exposure of my children as this is a losing battle…but I have not forgiven to the point where I will not support them in doing what is best for them…nor deceive them further by denying the truth when it is spoken or supporting a lie when it is told.

My anger has been replaced by resolve. The resolve to ask for  “Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference”

The resolve that I will not stop spreading the word. If it helps just one person understand…if it helps just one person avoid the damage…if it helps just on person ESCAPE with an intact mind and a healthy life…it has not been a useless experience.

 

That is the only kind of forgiveness I am safe to give. Forgiveness in mind and heart but not in practice. I cannot afford to completely “turn the other cheek”.  Not when I am fully aware that this will be taken as a sign of weakness and an invitation to abuse my family further.

I can live with that!