View from the Ex-Wife of a Dark Soul…A letter to the next victim

View from the Ex-Wife of a Dark Soul…

Official Survival Guide to a Relationship with My Ex

Congratulations!

You've found my ex or he's found you or he has stalked you or found you while you were having a rough time in your life; however this may have happened... 

I wanted to give you a gift.

Yes! A gift from a (soon to be) ex-wife.

How nice of me, right?

I think it'll come in handy through those dark times that are going to be here before you know it!

“Dark times”. You ask? Oh yes... Let me explain

Well…it’s always best to start at the beginning and at this point I KNOW you think your life BEGAN when you met your new LOVE!

So before we move forward, let's cover the "OMG HE IS SO PERFECT AND I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE FOUND HIM AND HOW WOULD ANY SANE PERSON EVER LET HIM GO" stage you're in currently.

For instance, all of that lovey-dovey talk you guys do all night and day…YOU know… "Good morning, beautiful" or "Good morning. I love you" or whatever line he's using these days to make sure you think about him right off the bat each day.

I've heard all the variants and I'm sure you will, too.

He totally means all of it.

He is all about you.

For now!

Make sure to answer him back in the same way. He loves that. Well, maybe not really. He's expecting it back, but don't let that fool you. There isn't really any true appreciation there.

Ok, next is the "thinking of you" texts and calls throughout the day. Yes, he wants to keep you in check, so he sends these out roughly on the hour.

Yes, there's a time schedule.

 "Miss you" while you're away texts are there, too. Isn't he sweet? He's not checking up on you, right? He's just letting you know you're on his mind.

He's just a simple guy who wants a woman by his side to love and accept him the way he is because believe me, he's not changing!

Isn't that nice to know? 

He will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, change! 

This is one truth that he has told. 
His desire is that the relationship will REMAIN, JUST AS IT IS RIGHT NOW...FOR ETERNITY!

If you can manage that things may, Indeed, Turn out alright for you…maybe….

If you have any expectation that you would like the relationship to mature, to mellow, to become deeper…you have a serious problem. 
You must understand that his desire (HIS DEMAND) is for that giddy, love-crazed, all encompassing relationship to stay, as it is, forever!

And, isn’t it NICE that you NEVER have to go anywhere alone anymore?

Kind of like…becoming a single unit within him…of course, this requires you to go where he wants to go...at any time...whether you want to or not...Hey! but who cares. 

He wants you at his side!

Just realize that this is necessary in order to show everyone how wonderful he is, how much he LOVES you and, Oh yes, to make sure you don’t happen to mention anything he does not want you to, to anyone else.

Got that? You no longer need friends…or Church….even your family does not come around as often…

but you don’t NEED THEM…you have HIM…and he HAS you…

You may have even had a couple of really GOOD friends that looked into your eyes (and his) and saw something wrong. 
They may even have tried to “SABATAGE” your relationship. 
But as he likely told you, “They are just jealous and cannot understand the depth of your love!”

Chances are that “you” have decided that you really don’t need those “Negative” people in your life and these detractors are not in the picture much anymore.

Isn’t that LUCKY for you…and for HIM!

Ok, so let's talk some more here.

I know it’s EXCITING to have someone love you that much!

He has probably texted you a few times just since you started reading this. Isn't that amazing how I know this stuff? Yeah, I was on that team at one time. 

I got this down!

So, he probably has told you that you're his one true love.

His soul mate maybe?

Perhaps he never KNEW what REAL LOVE was until he met you!

You are The ONE.

He probably started talking about marrying you when you had only known him for a few weeks or months. He doesn't waste any time.

Yes, you knew he was married and had kids…but it was not a REAL marriage! 

He was likely just staying in it to keep from hurting me and/or the kids. 
There was no sex happening. 
I bet he told you we did not even SLEEP in the same bed. 
I was a “Cold fish". 

Well he WASN'T married when I met him but he was living with another woman. He cheated on her with me...he cheated on me during our marriage...he cheated on me with you...BUT he would NEVER do that to YOU! RIGHT!

He now knows what he wants and you are definitely it!

Awesome! Until he gets bored with you. 

Anyway, now that he has you addicted to him and completely devoted to his happiness because he is completely devoted to yours (for now). 

Let's talk about the “old” family!

OF COURSE, you're not like the crazy exes who used him and abused him.

You're different!

Isn't it amazing how alike you guys are?

Same hopes and dreams and fears.

Watch the same shows?

Like the same music?

Of course you do!

He simply loves everything you do (for now).

Oh, and he loves a good cook. Matter of fact, he will probably want to move in with you ASAP so you guys can begin a lifelong relationship.

Of course, that is, until he gets bored with you.

Ok, so the honeymoon stage is in full swing and here comes move-in day!

You are going to love this part!

He absolutely HATES ALL his former lovers/partners! He keeps nothing that would even tell you that we even EXISTED…me, nor the ones before me.

He loves to tell you how much he hates his exes and WHY. The things they DID to him to cause him to leave….trying to poison him, refusing to feed him. Lack of sex. Lack of sympathy….not to mention not giving him enough ATTENTION and PRAISE for being a merely average human being. 

This serves a dual purpose..it makes you feel that he was abused and feel pity for him...AND he is training you on the things that you must NOT do (or appear to do) in order to KEEP him. 
Some of what he says is quite hard to believe but he WOULDN'T LIE!!! 
Have you heard the "most hated speech" yet...about how if he saw one of us laying dying on the street...he would merely step over? 
That one was a little hard for me to understand. But I quickly put it out of my mind when I found out what a cheating, evil BITCH she was!

He expects PRAISE for each and every thing he does, even if it is a normal function of every day life….and he is willing to praise you for that too…for a while….oh, but shortly you will no longer receive any more praise…

Not even when you make an extraordinary effort to please him…because nothing you ever do will be quite good ENOUGH.

If you are anything like me...you will need to work at least 2 jobs to support him but it is CRUCIAL that you continue to praise him, without cease, so that he will be HAPPY!

Don’t worry…he loves suggesting improvements…correcting your language, etc. to MOLD you into his "perfect partner". And you want to be THAT, do you not? After all he has been through...he DESERVES that!

One thing….hope you never decide to cut your hair….or make any other personal decision…because that will be a signal to him that you no longer love him! 

THAT he simply cannot tolerate!

Ok, so he moves in and things are going SO good.

You're in with his family (and your family simply ADORES him!) and you're doing everything together and it's the most perfect scenario you could've ever dreamed of!

He might leave you notes everywhere saying how much he loves you or maybe a line from "your song" somewhere.

This guy is serious about you.

Even more serious than the woman he had two children with.

Don’t worry about the fact that his nuclear family seems fake and “stilted” and that at any given time a part of the group is NOT SPEAKING to the other part! 

Especially don't worry about his brother who has not SPOKEN to his Mother in about 17 years! Likely there is no GOOD reason. I mean, people cut their own Mothers out of their lives every day without reason!

Going for YEARS without speaking to parts of your nuclear family is COMPLETLY normal.

And, anyway, any issues they had were my fault, I’m sure he did not leave that out.

And if something about that does not sit quite “right” in your logical mind….

YOU better turn that sucker OFF because it will be useless to you going forward!

Oh and don't mess with the man's money.

As you know...he does not believe he has ANY obligation to help support our children in ANY way. Remember...the super glued shoes...because it is "Your Mother's Job!" to buy them new ones?

If you have a great job,  or own anything that he would like to possess, that may be one of the reasons he targeted you….

er … I mean “carefully hand selected you to be his life partner”. 

He loves those good stock women with lots of potential and who don’t mind working hard.

….and it will come in handy because, shortly, you will be working 24/7 to try to make him happy “like he used to be” and all that energy will be going down into a BIG BLACK WHOLE because he will NEVER be happy like that again.

He wasn’t in the first place! 
Are you getting the picture now?

It’s all been an ACT, a MASK! 
NOTHING he has ever told you has been true or genuine. 

But let’s be real….you have now had time to see him lie through his teeth to everyone from his “friends” to “your friends”, the Pastor, his children and total strangers even.

But even though you would previously have classified this behavior as “pathological lying” since the lies are often not even IMPORTANT…it’s OK because there COULDN’T be ANYTHING wrong with HIM! 
He’s PERFECT! 

Anyway, make sure to cook him meals every night (and if he starts to gain weight again you will have to cook him special meals to suit his diet…and likely carry his food into the bedroom so he can eat while watching TV or while on FB) and don't forget to wash those dishes and put them away ASAP. Don't forget to put the sugar or flour away that you used, either…and close each and every cabinet door. 
Those things irritate him. 
Let's not do that.

You MUST keep from irritating him because you have likely noticed that things get pretty miserable when he is the least BIT unhappy or irritated. 
Hard to put your finger on what makes it so very uncomfortable for you when he is unhappy…but I KNOW you FEEL it. 
The floor is covered with egg shells, and broken glass, so you better learn to walk very carefully or you WILL PAY.

By this point, I know you've met his horse.

She’s a GREAT Horse!

She’s always been by his side as his best friend.

Hope you don't mind that he pays more attention to her than you. That could happen later. His horse is so loyal and trustworthy. It's his best friend in the entire world!

The truth is, the horse can't talk back to him and will love him even through all the awful names he calls her sometimes. He may share his days with the horse. Share his nights with the horse.

One day soon, it is likely that he will get tired of playing with the horse and he will begin to neglect and abandon her.

He has a tendency to switch obsessions quite frequently, but don’t worry, a few of these have lasted for several years so you probably still have time. 
They CAN get pretty expensive though! 
Let's see...gardens, ponds, pool with deck, reptiles, reptile breeding, venomous reptiles, Star Trek collection, DVD's, model trains, model rockets, photography, coins, fossils, ornaments, guns and now horses....the house was just OVERFLOWING with them... and since he has told you that I was the primary bread-winner...who do you suppose paid for all those things? 
Can't find anyplace to put them? 
So SAD...YOU are now a hoarder! 
You will SIMPLY have to get rid of some of your meaningless things in order to make ROOM!

And I know you LOVE horses as well so none of this may seem odd to you at all.

On to his work….funny isn’t it, that you will hear him say that he LOVES his JOB and that he HATES his JOB with a passion within the span of maybe an hour?

You see, this happens because he doesn’t love it or hate it…he uses it just like he uses everything and everybody…to his advantage and to get attention.

Naturally, since his passion for his work is FAKE….the truth will slip out every once in a while…no problem. 
It won’t last long anyway!

Eventually he will be “unable” or “unwilling” to work and he will become a “house husband”. 
He may actually do some house work for a week or two, but that will fade quickly and you will find that you are bringing in all the money AND taking care of the house…and him…and the kids when they visit.

What will he be doing, you ask?

Playing…and lining up the NEXT woman to take your place or to supplement his need for praise and worship (in a pinch, illicit sex will do)

OH! And looking at PORN every chance he gets. Perhaps you were not aware of this?

Maybe you HAVE seen it pop up accidentally on his computer screen but he has assured you that this is just SPAM and he does not know why it pops up like that!

HE is totally innocent!

Oh and, have you taken the time to look at his computer?

OH! That’s right! He ALWAYS has it with him…and then there’s that pesky password thing.

And you would not DARE she him that you lack faith in him by SPYING on him!

So you likely have not been able to browse the long list of porno sites listed in the history...even those labeled Father/Daughter Porn?

Not to worry though…porn addiction is no big deal when you are as perfect as he is! 
After ALL he IS a MAN. 
All MEN like those things right?

OK, perhaps it does not suit his DEVOUT CHRISTIAN public image but his good things outweigh these little issues!

He even likes to dabble in amateur porn.

He may already have talked you into video taping sex so you can “relive your love-making”

Just a hint….better keep your eye on those videos because I found multiple copies of the one we made when I finally searched the house. 

Good thing I am not very MODEST...or have a church who would condemn me for those things! WHEW!

….I WONDER what he planned to do with those copies?

…guess we will never know!

Bed time feels pretty magical, huh?

Holding your hand as you guys spoon together. Feels great, huh?

I know it does! I was you!

In the mood for sex? I sure HOPE SO!!

Ok, so I'll let you know that he will initiate sex with you at every opportunity- in the beginning many times a day. 
It is great to have someone who loves you SO MUCH that they cannot keep their hands off you!

It's not going to get too tiring after the first 5 years or so right? You will ALWAYS be ready, whenever he is, so you won’t have to worry about those punishments when you are not! 
The degrading remarks...the insinuations that you are "frigid"...the threats...the insistence...the lack of caring about what is going on with you...the suggestion that you should "just do it" whether you want to or not. 

I will tell you, from experience, it is best to avoid that because it makes sex feel like RAPE when you know your partner could not CARE LESS whether you really want to have sex and desires ONLY that you acquiesce.

Don't get the wrong idea! I am NOT suggesting that he does NOT want you to enjoy it! 
He DOES! 
Nothing gives him a bigger high than taking control of your body and mind! He used to tell me "I want to make a woman pass out with pleasure some day".

The most crucial thing for you to remember is that you MUST behave as though each sexual encounter was the BEST one you have EVER had! 
HE DOES! 
I KNOW you know what I mean! 
Pretty good actor isn't he? 

So after 5 years and THOUSANDS of sexual encounters...you MUST continue to heap praises upon him for his masterful performance...even if it was not so very masterful. 
Don't like to be a fake? 
Me either...but if you don't he will make you pay for it in a thousand ways, and eventually, you will simply give him what he wants. 
It's EASIER than fighting it! 
Won't hurt you will it?

Oh, and him telling you that he loves you during your long drawn out love making session will melt your heart.

I know it did mine.

Too bad you will notice that he spends more time during sex looking in the mirror with each passing week.

Has he put up the MIRRORS yet?
....maybe a well-placed dresser or mirrored sliding closet doors? 
He will…don’t worry.

Don't worry about him not being able to finish at times, either. It's not you. It's just that he is so tired from the incredibly stressful day everyone has given him. 
He is simply FULL of daily complaints about how everyone else is an idiot or, in some other way, substandard! He doesn't cause any of that himself.

And you too, are stressing him out. 
He has already started to tell everyone he knows that your behavior is a little "odd" but he loves you SO MUCH...he is willing to accept your abuse.

Do be aware that if you have been “making love” for an hour and he “loses it”….better take a vitamin because it will be expected that you start all over again.

If you start to get exhausted or get a cramp when he twists your body into whatever position is best for him…
DON’T MOVE or say anything because he might “lose it” again and then he will be very UPSET with you because you are so selfish. 
If you begin to feel panic because it may be hard to breathe....just learn to "go somewhere else".

That’s one reason he insists that you have an orgasm first (or at least fake one) because then he can call you selfish if you are too tired to continue after 2 plus hours. 
And don't worry about faking it. You may find that this begins to be necessary because he will NOT stop until you do so, if you get tired, just learn to fake!

He SAYS he can tell...but if so, he doesn't really care. As long as he is convinced he has "done his job".

Oh and, let’s not forget the little repetitive quips he adds each time he “finishes”…let’s see if I can remember….”I NEEDED THAT!” and “I shot both barrels that time!”

So cute how you become so entangled in each other! I’m sure he’s not still using those same old lines in your BRAND NEW relationship.

I am sure he has come up with some BRAND NEW material for you!

Shortly after he moves in, you may feel a bit unhinged, but don't worry! You're right on track!

It's about time you become an object rather than the normally functioning human being that you were when you met him.

Maybe he's acting a little different from all the stress in his life. You know, that stress that comes along with trying to be someone you're not for so long and telling lies to cover his TRUE nature. 
Don't know that stress? 
He does and he knows it well!

You may feel like he's pulling away from you because, well
... He IS!

All that time he spends texting other people while you're together isn't that big a deal.

He says he always had a pretty active social life... outside of him having almost NO FRIENDS except those he met through, or around, you!.

It’s really TOUGH to keep relationships, even friendships, when the other person in the relationship is prone to doing really OBNOXIOUS things like NOT agreeing with you about everything or having an opinion that differ.

There is that ONE guy! 
You know the one. 
I like to call him the “minion”.
He NEVER questions or disagrees….he is simply there to sing praises of perfection and would do ANYTHING to further the cause of your "love"! 
...Even if it means mentally abusing our children.

Make no mistake, he will always do as your love tells him…even if it eventually requires him to turn on YOU! Been there…done that. 
Do not think he is YOUR  FRIEND…no matter how well you have treated him or what you have done for him. He isn’t. 
He is only civil to you because your LOVE wants him to be. 
See how quickly he joined in with your "new" family? Why, he knew about you before I did! Along with most of my family...and let's not forget about your church and your PASTOR!
The fact that I used to send him food and groceries, when he had none, is not that important.

Just keep on trying, though. 
You can get through this! 
Maybe, one day, you'll need to try to talk to him about how you're feeling.

Let me walk you through that process as well.

So, the rules are as follows:

1. Don't try to talk about anything that concerns you about your relationship with him or any grievances you have about him at all. 
Period. 
EVER. 
(The first time you try it you will realize WHY I say that)

2. Simple stuff 
(translation-everything that is important to YOU).
Just don't talk about it. 
Pretend everything is great and always post positive things (even though you're feeling down) on your social media so that all of your friends and family know just how happy you are and how wonderful he is. 
Lie your little butt off to everyone about how well he treats you. 
It's the only way this is going to work. 
Trust me! I know!

3. The day may come that you can't hold it in anymore, so here's some help and insight to how this discussion may go.

If you ask him anything about his feelings about anyone other than you he will either

A. Ignore you
B. Get mad at you
C. Say "I don't know“

If you ask him about his feeling about YOU he will either

A. Accuse you of being insecure
B. Get mad at you for doubting him
C. Turn everything around on you so that you come away thinking you are an awful person for not seeing how WONDERFUL he IS!

Once you have opened your mouth about ANYTHING that concerns you...This is where the fun really begins! 
Now you get to see a side of him you never knew existed. 
It's always great to learn new things, yes?

Ok, so... Ignoring you is what he will do the most. 
If you show concern, he will be totally aloof to make sure you know he's not interested in what you have to say. 
He likes to play on FB to drive that home to you. 
He may leave and go outside to do "some work". Actually, he's just wanting to get away from you.

That's ok, though, because some time apart does people some good at times.

His next plan is to greet everything you try to talk about in anger! 
Yes, he gets really mad when you question his actions. 
Make sure you have earplugs because he likes to yell and while you're trying to be calm, accuse you of yelling and walk away because you are simply “OUT OF CONTROL” and “Unreasonable”…maybe even “Crazy!”

Better get a little tape recorder because he will say some really hurtful things to you but then deny he did.

That’s called gas-lighting. I am certain you are familiar with that term. I think one of my children may have used it in front of you because his Father was trying to tell him that he did NOT hear what he HEARD or see what he SAW!

It is likely that you will find that you have started to misplace things…car keys…wallet….and ESPECIALLY HIS things which he “ALWAYS leaves on the table” and then accuses you of moving/losing.

Confused yet? 
Sure! It's a hot mess you're into. 
He's WORTH IT, though.

Don't worry about your self-esteem or self-worth at this point. 
That's irrelevant to him … always was and always will be!

So, please get used to your feelings not being important. 
It's like a sucker punch to the soul, but it'll just make you stronger!

Ok, so the verbal tirades will get bad also.

Listing all your faults (big and small, real and perceived) on a daily basis is sure to be a real character builder!

It'll make you TOUGH AS NAILS.

Some of the most often used barbs are 
“You are out of control” 
“you are overly sensitive” 
“You are unreasonable”
…and the perennial favorite “You are CRAZY!”

It’s also fun when he talks so much about being sensitive to smells that you brush your teeth 15 times a day and bathe 3 times a day because you are convinced you stink!

Makes you worry about even being close to him or kissing him….
MAYBE you are just being “Paranoid” , as he SAID. 
I mean he NEVER ONCE DIRECTLY TOLD YOU that you smell bad!

I wonder what gave you these misconceptions…because, thinking back…you may see that he truly has NEVER directly SAID that? 
I guess you are simply losing your mind!

Better hide that though….you don’t want to chance losing him!

Remember not long ago when you didn't take crap from anyone, ever?

Hmm. Funny how this happened.

Ok, so once we get past the degrading remarks next comes the constant habit of “fixing” you, wiping things off your face, reaching out in the middle of a serious conversation because you have "something in the corner of your eye", picking out your clothes, making those, oh so SUBTLE, remarks about the “stupid” things and people you love, then he will likely walk away from every conflict because YOU are being unreasonable.

But when he is ready and when he wants something from you again then he will come back, play his guilt card and look like a little puppy to make you feel awful for EVER questioning him.

After a few times, you will learn its best just to keep your mouth shut and go along.

Who doesn't love to walk on eggshells and be afraid to talk to anyone about what's actually going on?

I know I do.

Ok, so you may notice that these talks just aren't working. 
I already told you they wouldn't, but let's continue the cycle.

Next is all of your questions finally getting answered! Yay! 
You are TOGETHER now so you may want to try to get a little information about him. 
He TALKS about himself ALL the time but its funny how you know almost nothing about him!
Don't get excited, however, because it's going to be a lot of "I don't know".

The more you ask, the more he doesn't know. Isn't that amazing how someone doesn't know anything about what they're feeling or how they're acting or why?

Of course he knows. 
He just doesn't want to tell you because he would rather give you reasons to think you're just crazy or too emotional or blowing things out of proportion!

This is when hell overcomes your heaven.

Now that he has you weak with emotion and hurt and holds you in contempt for ALL those things that he considers WEAKNESSES (your unconditional love, your compassion, your faith, your Empathy, etc. etc.), that's when the real fun stuff starts happening.

Now, suddenly, you're nothing alike.

Everything you do bothers him.

Everything he once said he loved about you, he's tired of.

So, that means more ignoring your existence!

Don't worry that he's talking to everyone except you. He's just getting their sympathy and support because 

OMG "you're just like his exes".

You're just crazy and jealous and trying to change him. 
Probably a “cold fish” as well.

Any life you had before him is in the crapper now because he has systematically torn you down as you would a new soldier or a new dog to train. 
You may hear things like "go lay down", "leave me alone" or "get the hell out of my way". 

All that lovey-dovey talk is over and this is a sign that he's probably got someone tied in already to replace you.

All those times he was on Facebook in the beginning, telling you how great you were and "liking" all of your pictures and saying how beautiful you are.

Well, there's another woman out there that needs to hear those things, too.

Thinking about trying to share your feelings and get some support?

No one will believe you because he made sure you always said how wonderful he is in the beginning in an effort to show him you were in it for the long haul and that you would lie to everyone else about him because you loved him just that much!

And those GOOD friends that once tried to "SABATAGE" your relationship…they are likely not feeling very supportive anymore since you treated them like your enemies when they expressed concerns to you in the beginning!

After all….you may have known them for YEARS before your new LOVE came along but, in a pinch, WHO DID YOU CHOOSE?!

Not to mention the fact that he has managed to convince most of your friends and family that he is the GREATEST and they simply cannot understand how you no longer appreciate how very lucky you are to have him! 
They now believe that you are simply damaged or crazy or unable to be satisfied with anyone!

In order to do this he has been lying behind your back….oh just LITTLE lies…since almost day 1.

So you SEE!!!!

This was all planned. 
From the time your relationship BEGAN he was PLOTTING its ending and what he could take from you when he discards you! 
This knowledge will make you ANGRY....ah, ah, ah...but DON'T express it because it will be a sure sign, to EVERYONE AROUND YOU, that you are INDEED CRAZY....
"Just as he said you were!"

Your credibility will be completely shot. 
When you try to tell everyone how difficult it was, they won’t believe you!

And as you watch him get dressed for dates with his NEW love….

while living in your house because he refuses to leave…

And he has that pesky little marriage certificate 
(you know...the piece of paper that gives him a right to abuse you, emotionally, financially, mentally, etc.)

YOU WILL BE POWERLESS TO STOP HIM!

The law, the courts, your friends and family, his NEW victim... NO ONE will lift a hand to stop him from torturing you!

You may try to explain that you are NOT jealous
...that you JUST WANT HIM TO GO AWAY
...but you are viewed as a bitter, jealous person who is "having a hard time with being left by such a wonderful, giving man". 

That can be pretty infuriating but bite that tongue! You are in a TRAP set by a MASTER hunter and ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. No way out...stop struggling and give up!

Your marriage certificate and the law MIGHT protect you if he tried to PHYSICALLY abuse you…MAYBE…but he is way too smart to do that! He likes being able to abuse WITHOUT having to pay any consequences!

You may find things "breaking" around your house, disappearing, etc...but he has NOTHING to do with that! 
Its just a coincidence!

Then you will be right where I was when YOU "officially" entered the picture.

But, you are a Christian right? 
You can always pray for divine intervention. 
Being a Christian myself...I am certain that God will hear you and you will be comforted 
...but be aware...He will use that against you too!

GOD always forgives right? 
"You state that you are a Christian, but you can't be much of one since you are crazy and cannot just move on!"

So he will use his “devout” religion to show you (and more importantly, to convince EVERYONE ELSE) that you are NOT a Christian because you are UNABLE to forgive and this will be one reason he simply MUST leave you. 
You PUSHED HIM OUT!!!

You are not “Godly” and your misery just goes to show that! 
Your anger convinces everyone that he is right and they support HIM…much as you and your CHURCH supported his abuse of my children and I!

FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS!

Sounds pretty cool, huh? 
Feeling alone even when you're sitting next to him now while he's chatting away with other people and you're dying inside. 
Yeah. I know.

But one day you'll be fed up with the lies and feeling that terrible every day. 
You'll get tired of biting your tongue.

He will have someone else waiting for this moment and will blissfully walk away from you, while telling everyone else how you so callously left him.

You used him.

You're just like the rest of them!

He has a discard pile of hearts.

The break up will be all YOUR fault, everyone WILL BELIEVE that…

and he will be posting on Facebook thanking GOD for getting you out of his life and “showing him the right path”!

That is really fun! I’m sure you will remember that very post directed at me…

You know…the one you and all your CHURCH friends “liked”….and thereby supported him in abandoning our children!

Because, while relieved that the nightmare will soon be over,  you, at some level, will mourn the loss of your dream and the loss of a man who NEVER EXISTED. 
He won't have any such mourning because he has already COMPLETELY moved on! 
You now know that he NEVER really had a dream! 
It was all one big game with you as the pawn.

…He will look at you. 
With those cold, dead eyes, 
as though he has never met you 
and threaten to destroy you 
if you dare breathe a WORD of this to anyone!!!!

Very SPECIAL FEELING THAT ONE!

Let me tell you what actually just happened to you...

• You were vulnerable and he knew it.
• He hates himself. He hates himself so much that he can't understand why everyone else doesn't hate him.
• He wears a mask in order to make people think he is normal.
• He's damaged and will damage those who get too close to him.
• He knows he hurts people, but has no empathy.

Read that last one again and let it sink in.

HE HAS NO EMPATHY.

He can't put himself in your shoes. 
He can FAKE it reasonably well for short intervals but you will get the drift if you just LISTEN to how he DEGRADES anyone who does not think he is right about everything.

It's not possible for him to consider ANYONE'S point of view...only his own!

He's too far stuck in his own world of the fear of abandonment that he, himself, singlehandedly creates and that he will never get out of because he knows that no one will ever be able to stay with him because of it.

You were temporary.

Oh, you may have devoted 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, or maybe your entire life, to the relationship but to him you were ALWAYS temporary and EASILY replaced.

You were there to fill a void because he cannot be alone.

He HATES being alone!

He needs someone to take care of him and be his cheering section!

However, it's all a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Remember when he said he knew how this was going to end up? 
This is exactly what he meant. 
He knew you would leave him (or he would leave you) and it's because he wanted you to, so he wouldn't be wrong.

He can't handle being wrong!

Isn't it odd that he hates being alone, but makes people leave him alone?!

Crazy stuff!

You will never get an honest apology.

You will never get closure.

You have to live with this.

Are you hearing me?

He's not sorry for what he did to you.

He's only sorry that he couldn't keep you fooled long enough or keep you on that emotional torture rack longer.

It's at this time you realize you were only an object.

A warm, blow up doll, a work horse

He mirrored all of your interests and he has studied people long enough to say all the things you wanted to hear to get you hooked in the first place.

He is unable to change.

Let that sink in as well:

HE IS UNABLE TO CHANGE.

OH WHY did nobody warn you!?!

Oh WAIT…..they tried and you turned your back on them!

And as far as any warning from those he has done this to before….would you have believed them? 
After all….they are just crazy, jealous EX’s!!!!!

Now you will suffer feeling guilt about what you HELPED HIM TO DO…to his ex, his children, your friends, your family, Your CHURCH, YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO GOD. Your self esteem, your LIFE….

That GUILT can be overwhelming and CRUSHING!

He HAS no GUILT! In his eyes he has not, 
and never has, 
done anything wrong 
in his entire life! 
That is why he feels he must assassinate your character in order to convince people that he is NOT wrong!

so you get what I'm saying here... This is your life in a nutshell.

This is the pattern of a relationship with a sociopath.

Seriously. I'm a highly educated individual and before I knew that people like him existed, I was already run through the wringer!

So, you see, I'm not a crazy, jealous ex.  
The truth is, no matter what he told you, 
I never wanted him back. 
I saw my chance to ESCAPE and I gladly took it. 
You, unfortunately for you, took my place as his hostage.

I'm only telling you this because this is real and more common than people think and you will pay just as I have paid.

Paid for WHAT…I really can’t say….likely you will have gotten NOTHING out of the relationship except damage.

HIM? 
Chances are he will walk away scot free….just start all over…find another woman...just as he found me (and you) and BECOME what she has always dreamed of....and THEN become her WORST NIGHTMARE. 

You know the drill...and the cycle starts again...

THEY NEVER PAY!

Oh yeah! Once again you can look back at how it was when he walked away from me….you saw it….

The GOOD news is there will be a large part of you that will be relieved to get rid of him….that, too, may make you feel guilt…

and he will try to use that against you too…

Now it's time for some deep introspection and lots of education on the subject of cluster B personality disorders…

(because that is what he has and will likely be what they diagnose you with when your entire world falls apart and you realize that everyone would rather believe his lies than your truth)

You will need to come out of this knowing you weren't crazy.

Yes, since no one has seen ANY of this and he is so WONDERFUL…the medical community will simply assume the problem is within you. The more you try to convince them, the crazier you will look.
You may even end up on anti-depressants or some other medication...and this knowledge will FURTHER cement everyone else's belief that you are, quite simply, DEMENTED.

Quite the trap huh?

You need to understand....It was him.

The feelings of being on edge all the time.

It was him.

The gut instincts that something wasn't quite right.

It. Was. Him. Not you.

You're fine the way you are (were).

The GOOD news, for you, is that you never had any children with him (or any young children that you SUBJECTED to him) and this has saved you from me having to recount what he would have done to those children if you did. 

Terrible, damaging things that will affect them from their entire lives!

You have met my children. 
I am sure that you even encouraged him to “take a firm hand” and “not allow them to “mouth off” at him! 

You were lucky enough to miss out on being a caring Mother who must stand by and watch her children crushed emotionally on a daily basis...and be threatened to be EXPOSED as an "unfit" Mother...and worry that the courts could, indeed, side with him and take away the ONLY SANE parent your children have....and watch your children wither away under the emotional abuse and negativity. 

So I will not bother to elaborate on that.

I hate to welcome you to my club, but here you are reading your story. This is my story, too and it won't be the last story someone tells about him.

So SURPRISE!

I wish I could have given you this “gift” earlier to avoid this damage to you, but as you now know…you would not have believed me.

You likely did not deserve to be abused this way…

There is no survival guide to staying with my ex or sustaining a relationship with him.

Your only chance of survival is getting away from him.

He's not like you. He never was.

He hates you for being everything he can never be. Loving, caring, compassionate, empathetic...

Those are things he will never know for himself. Your love can't fix that. That's not a failure on your behalf.

You're not the first person he's done this to (neither was I) and you most certainly won't be the last.