There are two BIG red flags that stick out in my mind more than the multitudes of others I chose to ignore. Both of these happened during my pregnancy with twins or shortly after their birth. Looking back NOW. that is completely logical! The N was trying to assure that HE would always be #1 with me and attempting to make me see that the children would need to be, in all ways, secondary. To his mind I must be made to realize that "our children" must in NO way usurp the responsibility that I had to continue to follow the rules set forth...mostly unspoken rules mind you!
Red Flag #1
"Red flag one" was an incident that happened when
I was in early pregnancy. I was probably just starting to show. At this time I
worked as a hospital nurse at a large metropolitan teaching hospital. I worked
the 11AM to 11PM shift and was getting off work at about 11:15 PM. The commute
to this job was about 20 miles, mostly toll road but not entirely. This was in
the days BEFORE cell phones were standard issue to common mortals and I did not
have one. I usually worked 3 days in a row so I was often
exhausted...especially in early pregnancy.
On this particular morning...I was preparing to go to work
and I happened to mention, to my N, that the passenger side, rear tire of my
car, seemed to be making a "funny noise". To this day I can still see
him sitting on the bed and making the comment "You NEED to get that
checked out on your way to work". He did not get up to look at it...but
stated I needed to have it looked at. I KNEW I would not have time to do that
and get to work on time...but I did not BALK at the suggestion...I sort of just
...let it pass.
Driving home after work, at about 11:30, I had a blow out on
the interstate toll road....luckily, near my exit ramp. I guided the car slowly
down the ramp and tried to get to SOME PLACE where I could use a phone. I saw a
Barnes and Noble so I walked about half a mile to get there. It was a few
minutes after Midnight and they closed at Midnight. I knocked on the door and
they took pity on me and let me in. They didn't HAVE to...and may even have
broken rules to do so...but they took compassion on a stranded stranger. They
guided me to a pay phone and I called home to get my "Knight in shining
armor" to rescue me. Our house was less than 5 miles from where I was
stranded and I had a spare tire.
When I called him, he answered the phone with a sleepy voice
as he had already gone to bed. I told him I had a blow out and he was silent
for a minute before he asked, in a very deliberate voice "Is that the SAME
tire I TOLD you to get checked before you went to work?" I told him that
it was.
Then he stated "If you had listened to ME, you would
not be in this mess...so NOW you can simply DEAL WITH IT YOURSELF!" and he
hung up.
I just STOOD there....frozen. I can't even DESCRIBE how I
felt! Then from DEEP inside me my Mother's hard-headed little child got angry!
I had had enough! I called a tow truck to come and get my car. Before I left
the store he hit redial and called me back. By that time, it was way too little
too late. I promptly told him that I "Would NOT accept his help at that
point if I had to WALK the 5 miles to get home!" That's the CLEAN version
of what I said. I am certain that I "let go" with a string of
profanity that would make a sailor turn red!
While I waited for the tow truck, he showed up and tried to
get me into the car "to at LEAST wait for the tow truck". I gave him
another dose of my "foul language" and sat on the ground waiting for
the tow truck. I THEN talked the tow truck driver into taking me home which was
likely against his rules as well....but HE had a heart!
We never spoke about this incident again.
What was there to say?!?!
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