The battle and the War

I have been off line and out of touch for a few days because I have made some difficult discoveries.

Some things I THOUGHT I had already internalized and some new things as well.

I have had to quit my new job as I was simply psychologically and physically too drained to be successful at it. I am jobless. I received a bill for $850 in homeowners insurance today and I simply do NOT HAVE IT.

It appears I may not have chosen my attorney wisely because, as time goes on, his expectation of what he will be able to accomplish for me has decreased. At this point it appears he is ready to "give away the proverbial farm" in order to obtain a settlement.

While I am disappointed in this and I feel betrayed by his previous assurances....why would it surprise me?

It is too late to obtain new council so I will have to deal with the one I have. When he goes beyond my limit I will simply refuse to sign and let it go before the judge...

Therein lies my second discovery, Because me attorney has failed to bring forward the facts of the case, the judge has stated she feels that the turmoil being experienced by my children is MY FAULT...because HE has "Moved on" and I, quite simply, have not. My anger, you see, is poisoning my children....her solution....the children should spend MORE TIME with the psychologically abusive narc!

Just WONDERFUL!

He is asking that I be forced to pay his attorneys fees $12,000 (despite the fact that he ASKED for the divorce and informed me that he was having an affair with a "DEVOUT CHRISTIAN" woman) and my attorney states he has a good chance of getting that ordered.

He lives with this woman and has NO DESIRE to live in this house...yet he is asking that I be removed from it. He is also asking for alimony. He has paid $100 in child support in ONE YEAR...and now my own attorney is telling me that he will LEGALLY walk away from them leaving me with 100% financial responsibility. My attorney is encouraging me to AGREE to this.

I imagine you can see the level of turmoil this has caused me.

Today...for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER...I have had to tell my children there will be no new school clothes and, while grocery shopping...I had to stop them from buying what they wanted as I am broke.

Needless to say this angers me immensely because he is willing to let our children suffer to retaliate against me for...who knows what.....failure to worship I guess.

STILL...

He is about to learn the meaning of the old saying "You won the battle but you lost the war". I will bide my time and see what happens. I will deal with what I must and I will take care of my children....and I will NEVER lower myself to ask him for a thing. Of that you can be certain.

Other children live with deadbeat Dads and mine will learn to as well....but they see...they are smart...and they WILL REMEMBER.

This is how I have returned to function for today. Tomorrow....who knows?