Getting the Narc to drop the mask in court...

So many of us have had to sit by in court and be portrayed as an insane, out of control, vindictive person. Many more of us face this coming in the future. The narcs seem to be EXPERT at handling the courts and turning everything around on us.

Once again, as in nearly everything….they depend upon our own good manners and the “fair mindedness” of us and our attorneys…to protect them from having the exact same tactics used on them.

I do not suggest that we should follow suit and lie to the court…although they have no problem in doing this…I am not a liar and likely you are not either. (at least not nearly as good a liar as the narcs!)

If we will not tell our own lies, the only option is to show, somehow, that THEY are lying and that their statements and insinuations should not be trusted without further examination and questioning.

The one way to do this is to expose their character and that UGLY, NASTY part of themselves that they hide behind that mask normally. The surest way to do this is to inflict some public narcissistic injury and await the narcissistic rage that will, inevitably, follow.

This could be called “stooping to their level” and I guess that it is…however, if you are attempting to protect the wellbeing of your children, or defend against some very serious charge they are making…it may be necessary to do just that!

Each situation is different and you will have to make that judgment call for your own situation.

Many attorneys are not willing to entertain the idea of doing this…mostly because they still buy into that picture of the “normal divorce: and do not understand the kind of vile, ruthless opponent they are dealing with until it is too late for us!

It is NOT necessary for them to BAIT the narc…but just the presentation of some very specific information, in a specific way, will likely cause the narc to lose control. Statements and questions that a NORMAL person would find mildly annoying at worst…a narc will find intolerable.

The following excerpt from MALIGNANT SELF LOVE explores the method of doing this if it becomes necessary…

(Excerpts from- Malignant Self Love by Sam Vaknin)

Question:

How can I expose the lies of the narcissist in a court of law? He acts so convincing!

Answer:

You should distinguish the factual pillar from the psychological pillar of any cross-examination of a narcissist or deposition made by him.

It is essential to be equipped with absolutely unequivocal, first rate, thoroughly authenticated and vouched for information. 

The reason is that narcissists are superhuman in their capacity to distort reality by offering highly "plausible" alternative scenarios, which fit most of the facts.

It is very easy to "break" a narcissist – even a well-trained and well-prepared one.

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating:

Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception of   his grandiose self. 

• Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of "talents and skills" which the narcissist fantasizes that he possesses.
• Any hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party.
• Any description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others.
• Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim, an average person of mediocre accomplishments.
• The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts indignantly, with wrath, hatred, aggression, or even overt violence to any infringement of what he perceives to be his natural entitlement.

Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are of such cosmic significance that others should defer to their needs and cater to their every whim without ado.

The narcissist feels entitled to interact or be treated (or questioned) only by unique individuals. 

He resents being doubted and "ridiculed".

Any insinuation, hint, intimation, or direct declaration that the narcissist is 

• not special at all 
• that he is average 
• common
• not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest 

...inflames the narcissist.

He holds himself to be omnipotent and omniscient. So, to trigger his rage...

·        Tell the narcissist that he does not deserve the best treatment

·        That his desires are not everyone's priority

·        That he is boring or ignorant

·        That his needs can be catered to by any common practitioner

            (medical doctor, accountant, lawyer, psychiatrist)

·        That he and his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged

·        That he will do what he is told

·        That his temper tantrums will not be tolerated

·        That no special concessions will be made to accommodate his 

             inflated  sense of self

·        That he is subject to court procedures, etc.

– and the narcissist will likely lose control.

The narcissist believes that he is the cleverest, far above the madding crowd. So, to trigger his rage...

·        Contradict him often

·        Disagree with him  

·        Criticize his judgment

·        Expose his shortcomings

·        Humiliate and berate him

EXAMPLES of statements and questions:

•    You are not as intelligent as you think you are
•    Who is really behind all this? It takes sophistication which you don't seem to possess.
•    So, you have no formal education
•    You are ___ Years old. (Mistake his age, make him much older)
•    What did you do in your life?
•    Did you study?
•    So you were not a successful student?
•    Do you have a degree?
•    Did you ever establish or run a business?
•    Would you define yourself as a success?
•    Would your children share your view that you are a good father?
•    You were last seen with a certain Ms. … who is (suppressed grin) a stripper (in demeaning disbelief)

I know that many of these questions cannot be asked outright in a court of law.

…But you can insinuate them or hurl these sentences at him during the breaks

…Bring them up, inadvertently, during the examination or deposition phase, etc.

Narcissists hate innuendos even more than they detest direct attacks.