Background
As to the question of nature versus nurture...the proverbial Jury is still out. I have to say that I am leaning toward the nurture side these days.
I completely agree that they begin displaying traits at a VERY young age, which would seem to go along with the nature theory...but I also have to keep in my mind that they are BORN into this sick environment...and so they begin to pick it up from the day of birth. It is still possible that there is some genetic predisposition...just as there seems to be with drug addiction/alcoholism...but if a person never TAKES a drink or uses a drug, that predisposition would not affect them.
People often point out that some of these people are raised by "normal" parents...but, who better then WE know...that the appearance of NORMAL can certainly mask some VERY abnormal crap. Sometimes this crap is NEVER brought to light but that is not to imply that it was not suffered through. We have all been there...done that.
With this in mind..I am going to tell you a story about the creation of a P/S/N.
In this particular story, you will see that there are "nests" of N's...kept under wraps for GENERATIONS without anyone penetrating the facade. The suffering simply gets passed down and more and more lives get ruined. There are some people who have stopped the spread by simply REFUSING to provide NEW P/S/N's for the cycle. That very fact is fairly amazing when you stop to consider it. Actually, the whole story is!
Of course, I am going to start with a disclaimer. Since this story is unrelated to my personal journey...I have to say that it is a work of FICTION. This could become important, later, in the event that anyone sees a resemblance in their own lives and might TRY to bring some type of action against the author for daring to disclose it. So, FIRST and FOREMOST...this is a FICTION...that may just very closely resemble the facts of other peoples lives. I do NOT mean to imply that this is the journey of anyone, in particular...
As a fiction, of course, the names I will use are irrelevant. There are SO MANY important and APPLICABLE pieces to the story that I will try to keep it understandable...but it is quite a mess!
I think the best place to start this fictional story would be with Peggy.
Peggy was the eldest of three children born to a family of immigrants. Their immigration occurred near the turn of the century and was a part of the Ellis Island immigration story. Peggy's parents were brought here as young children. The paternal line from Italy and the maternal line from Poland. They all settled in the New York area after immigration. This is where Peggy's parents met and married.
While little is known about the back story of Peggy's parents there are a few things that are clear. The people in Peggy's paternal line were NOT stupid or uneducated people...neither were they very poor. They were not hungry and they did not struggle to the same degree that many new immigrants struggled. The paternal line, from Italy, were educated and fairly well to do.
Peggy's maternal line, from Poland, was a little different. We get the idea that the Maternal line had experienced the horror of being indigent...and also seemed to feel the "sting" of some type of mental illness. Stories regarding the MEANNESS of this clan were interwoven into the family history...along with stories of back street abortionists, "witches" and people who dabbled in the. less savory, pursuits of the day. Always woven in are the stories of the downright hateful nature of these ancestors.
Occasional, more recent, immigration from Poland left this family with a hatred of Jews. It is likely that several of these people were connected, at least psychologically, with the Nazi occupation of that area. In NO PART of the history is there any expressed hatred for the Nazis...but only of the Jews. Of course, Italy was also in the Axis so that would not have been a great point of contention for the blended family.
Both these families were very large and there was a great deal of extended family.
So Peggy's parents met, and married and produced three offspring...Peggy, Janet and Oscar..in that order. The dynamics of that family become important to the story a little later...so I will take the time to describe it now.
Peggy's Father, Joseph, was a large, loud and ill tempered man who was an architect by trade. They did not struggle financially and, by all accounts, were successful and Joseph owned his own business and employed others.
The stories of Joseph bring to mind a tyrant who ruled his home with an iron fist. No one was allowed to express any opinion...no one had any rights at all...save him. He worked and then returned home where he was given the status of revered demi-God. The relationships he had with his children were not physically close...and hugs and kisses never occurred. Perhaps this was partially a function of the generation
Peggy's Mother, Tina, was a short, heavyset woman who was subservient to her husband...but NOT to anyone else. She NEVER stood against her husband but never failed to stand against ANYONE else who might try. She was the ultimate "co-dependent". Together, they ruled over this silent, cowering set of children.
Peggy was the eldest...and the one who was expected to keep control of the others. She was the one who was expected to take on the role of "second wife". According to some evidence, that role included EVERYTHING that you might associate with the title. This was not brought out into the open until much later...and while Peggy asserts that this is true...her siblings completely deny it.
The second child, Janet, by all accounts was also a complete tyrant. She was, supposedly, spoiled terribly and the others were expected to defer to her on everything or face the wrath of their Father. She could do no wrong.
The youngest, Oscar, being the "baby" and also being the only male in a very patriarchal clan, was given no responsibility and allowed to do whatever he wanted to do without reservation...as long as this did NOT include disagreeing with his Father.
The three children were raised in an atmosphere of great fear and dread. Depending upon which one you talked to...that atmosphere might be described as a horror..or simply laughed at and called "strict". All agree that they were very fearful of their Father and that they greatly loved and respected their Mother...but that she had no control over what the Father did to them on a daily basis...no power. They all agree that very harsh. physical discipline was administered frequently and with little provocation. The word "no" was never heard by the Father...ever. There was no rebellion...because the fear was simply too great. The children did what they were told without a seconds hesitation.
The family, overall, was not very physically attractive...except for Peggy who favored her Fathers family in appearance. She was a striking young woman who participated in, and won, several beauty contests. Several pictures of her, in her pageant swim suits, survive..and in each one where her Father was present...you get a sort of "creepy" feeling that the way he is touching her in those pictures is just not "appropriate". This is one reason for my belief...although Peggy has been proven to be a liar, time and time again...and although everyone else in the family flatly DENIES that any sexual abuse occurred...I had no trouble in believing that it likely did.
The "for public consumption" story from that point is that all three children ended up marrying...none with much success. This is the point in the story where we follow the line of Peggy...
Peggy married a man, named Bruce, and had two sons. The eldest, Jim and his younger brother, Bruce Jr. they were only a little less than two years apart. Bruce Sr. was portrayed as being a lost soul...always looking for a way to get rich quick. He had a great deal of wonder lust...loving to travel and dreaming of an "Indiana Jones" type of existence He was also, according to the legend, a serial adulterer. At one point, he became involved in a land boom and became quite wealthy (at least on paper).
Peggy was a controlling, domineering and miserable woman. She performed the duties of wife and mother with a twist of control freak added in. She did not work outside the home...but demanded the best of everything. I can imagine that she was quite hard to live with.
Bruce Sr...knowing that he was close to financial ruin when his sons were about 14 and 16...and not knowing any other way to preserve what he has accomplished... decided that he would smuggle in a plane load of marijuana in order to bail himself out and save his family. He was caught and jailed....and Peggy and Bruce divorced at that time. She was forced to enter the workforce.
Peggy's treatment of her children was full of emotional and mental abuse which would ensure that the past continued to repeat itself for another generation...
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