Living as a Reflection...


I lived many years as a reflection
One who was not really alive and stung by rejection
No action taken quite good enough
These chains on my mind trying to slough

As piece by piece my soul was dismantled
All that was once me, endlessly channeled
Down a hole which will never be filled
On rock hard ground that will never be tilled

I became nothing but an empty shell
What once was me now trapped in Hell
My daily thought was keeping you sated
An impossible task which you had slated

Nothing exists save your perception
As I engaged in self-deception
I could not cope with the truth you see
You never really honored me

The vows you took were only lies
The man I saw was a disguise
The name I took was only that
Your mask to change like a hat

So when you discarded us and walked away
It was in confusion I met that day
Part of me with injuries deep
My vow intact, but on your heap.

I tried with great persistence to
Keep the vow I made to you
Despite the pain I felt inside
Despite this awful, dizzying ride

Another part glimpsed the light
and, Oh, my soul it took to flight!
Could I escape this endless plight
Leave this dark, perpetual night?

The decision removed from my grasp
No longer mine, not in my clasp
The guilt I feared in seeking peace
No longer tore my heart with grief!

A final gift you gave to me
Though meant as less than that you see
You sought to cause me pain in ending
This time of lies and pretending.

I will admit that I felt pain
Seeing everything you sought to gain
and day by day it became more clear
As my name you sought to smear

I lived so long in the mirror here
blind to every lie and sneer
Trying to see the best in you
Which sadly wasn't ever true

So, though I was confused of course
and met the ending with remorse
I did not mourn your "love" you see
That was never given to me

Instead I mourned the man in my mind
the one I sought so hard to find
The man who never really knew
the meaning of the vow I made to you

Who never saw worth in what he had
Who felt that what he left was bad
Who sees no worth in his life today
Hide that dark, empty soul and run away!

We will learn to live anew,
without the mirror we all knew
Look back at what you left without a care
You black, blank mirror standing there!