Who is Watching Out For the Children?!?

This evening, I received an email from "my attorney" with an attachment filed by the ex-narc, filing a suit against me for contempt of court. there are several various allegations, failure to maintain health insurance for my children, refusing to give him half of my retirement savings, allegations that I did not divide the marital property according to the courts order and allegations that I have REFUSED his visitation...that I have PREVENTED our 15 year old sons from spending time with him and that I have alienated them against him.

The suit specifically asks that I pay all his court fees since I "am the cause of the filing of this action" and also that I be incarcerated for alienating our children from him and refusing to allow them to visit. The charges are completely frivolous, of course, but since he had the Judge so thoroughly fooled the last time, it is concerning.

What is more concerning is the affect this is having on our children. THIS is not something he has taken into consideration at all.

After the fiasco of the divorce and the complete refusal of "my lawyer" to believe anything I told him (which, I believe, likely transferred onto the Judges opinion of me)...I, obviously, will be finding a new attorney. 

I sure hope his new victim is carefully watching the actions of "Mr. Wonderful" as the more she sees and supports him in doing, the more she deserves exactly what is coming her way. 

I have not refused my sons visitation with their Father. They are refusing to go. He also alleges that I have "made the children a party to these actions"...in other words, I have not hidden his misdeeds from them. He hates that. He does not want people to see what he is and what he is capable of doing. He especially does not want our children to see him for what he is. I have not made up a single thing about him. As a matter of fact, between his sporadic evil deeds, we rarely even discuss him any more.

He feels entitled to do whatever he wants and he feels entitled to have the whole world look the other way. Sorry. If you feel like something needs to be hidden, you should not be doing it. 

I will, of course, be filing a counter suit. There are many reasons for this. Harassment, false charges of government fraud, theft, refusal to contribute to the costs of the sale of the house. This is getting very tiring and it is so useless. 

It is just one more example of him "cutting off his nose to spite his face. With each action, he shows our children that they cannot trust him. They have come to believe that there is nothing he will not do, to ANYONE, who gets in the way of him getting what he wants. He still does not seem to comprehend that the courts MAY be able to force the boys to spend time with him...although I am not quite sure how they will do so. Even if successful at that, the courts cannot mandate that they respect him or that they WANT to be with him. 

It appears that he remains very confident that he will be able to convince them that the past 2 years they have witnessed have not really happened. Its all been a figment of their imagination...or something that I "made up". He seems to believe that he has sufficient power and control to re-establish his hold over their minds once he gets to spend time with them. I believe he may have a surprise coming.

If, indeed, they were reacting this way because of things I had "made up" or things I said about him...perhaps that could be the case. Since they are, in fact, reacting to what they have witnessed with their own eyes and what has been said to them (by him)...he would have to convince them that they are crazy and cannot trust their own perceptions. That is the very damage he specializes in. I believe that the chances that he can convince our sons of this are pretty slim.

He is emotionally and mentally abusive toward our children. He believes this is his right as their Father. That they MUST believe what he says even when they SEE something else...even when they have caught him in lie after lie.

If the Judge can MAKE my sons go with their Father, so be it. I cannot. If the Judge tells him to physically attempt to PUT them into his car...and she further instructs me NOT to interfere...I will not interfere. The expectation that I can make them go, when he, obviously cannot, is ridiculous. If he could have made them go he would already have done so. What he is asking the court to do is to make our sons WANT to go...and this shows how deeply deluded he truly is.

I am watching as he willingly destroys our children in order to "get his way". They are watching too. He has STILL, NOT ONCE, offered to do ANYTHING to increase our sons level of comfort in this situation. He has offered no compromise. That is because they are not real to him. Just more props in his play. He will crush them, and he will enjoy trying to crush me....if that's what it takes to put his world back to what he wants it to be...what he DEMANDS that it is. He is a selfish man and he is not showing any interest in what is best for our children. They have tried to talk to him....they found that just as useless as I always found it to be. There is no discussion. It is his way or he will badger, lie and punish you until it is.

Well, no matter what comes of the court date....no matter what comes of this frivolous, suit full of false accusations...I predict that it will NOT result in our sons having increased respect or kind feelings for him. If he believes (which he obviously does) that he can control them through bullying and fear...I think he is wrong. Oh, they fear him alright....because of what he has shown them that he is willing to do to get his way. Not because of anything I have said to them. But they don't fear him in the way that would encourage them to do what he says. They fear him in the way that they simply do not want to be around him. This is nothing I have done. This is purely the natural consequences of his utterly selfish and self-centered behavior.

He may STILL prevail in court...I may have some penalties I have to pay, maybe. If I do, it will be a miscarriage of justice...but we have all seen that before. But, the countdown continues to their 18th birthday....and rather than improving things with them he is ruining things more every day and with each despicable action....

Let's see....

It is 1039 days 

Or 2 years, 10 months, 4 days

or 89,769,600 seconds

or 1,496,160 minutes

or 24,936 hours

or 1039 days

or 148 weeks and 3 days

No matter how you look at it...time is running out. There will be no Judge and no court to go to in order to mandate their contact then. There already is no Judge and no court that can mandate their respect. The fact is, the Judge has no clue the kinds of emotional and psychological abuse they are subjected to. 

• She does not know about the Father/Daughter porn our sons found on their Fathers computer. 
• She does not know about the fact that they were taken on DATES with his mistress while we were married and before I even KNEW about her. 
• She does not know that my children were taken to a church that condoned and encouraged this behavior and then told that GOD also condoned it (spiritual abuse).
• She does not know that my older son was abused to the point of attempted suicide by this same man.
• She does not know that our sons Father lied about his income to avoid helping to financially support our children
• She does not know that he told me that he would "Ruin me and take everything from me, including my children, if I DARED to disobey him and refused to keep my mouth shut"
• She does not know that one of my sons was told he "acted gay" and told not to speak a certain way or behave a certain way because it looked gay and was disgusting
• She does not know that my children were told that black people are substandard
• She does not know that every effort was made to turn all of my children against each other and encourage them to give information about each other
• She does not know that they were pitted against each other at every opportunity and made to compete for everything including love and attention
• She does not know that one is treated BLATANTLY better than the other
• She does not know that they were told EVERY DAY that they should avoid their half brothers because they were half black and terrible people
• She does not know that they were told, EVERY DAY, that I was crazy and they should fear me
• She does not know that they were never allowed a moment of privacy and that they were not even allowed to lock the bathroom doors
• She does not know about the multiple passes made at my family members
• She does not know about the rampant porn addiction and the fact that porn popped up for my sons to see whenever they utilized his computer
• She does not know that one of my sons was so depressed that he had started to "numb out" and detach due to being made to stuff his emotions that he was forbidden to show.
• She does not know that my older sons very FREEDOM was jeopardized by the threat of false accusations of sexual abuse, leveled out of anger at my disobedience.
• She does not know that a loaded gun was carried into my home and my adult son threatened on numerous occasions
• She does not know that my adult son was bullied, terrified and baited as a 14 year old child to the point of physical abuse including being lifted off the ground by his neck and thrown against the wall
• She does not know that I was repeatedly accused of hiring a hit man to kill my sons Father and that this slander was openly stated in front of large groups of people.
• She does not know that friends and relatives of their Father have been encouraged to join in the emotional abuse of my sons including telling them that they cannot trust their brother and taunting them unmercifully for advising me when they are subjected to unsafe conditions (such as being driven in a car without seat belts or even a seat-stooped behind the seat of a pickup truck for more than 20 miles)
• She does not know that they are constantly compared and pitted against each other to the point of physical confrontation at times (just like two pit bulls)

No...there are a LOT of things that my children have endured over the years, and especially over the past two+, years that she has no clue about. Still...she will determine whether they should be made to spend time in this environment because they have no right to make such decisions. Then no one can figure out WHY they are terrified and angry?! Who is going to protect them...that is what they are asking. They are being told that they do not even have the right to protect THEMSELVES from what makes them uncomfortable and what makes them afraid. Even when they HAVE seen these things with their own eyes.

Its a shame....

It is a shame that judgments are made without fully understanding the pain those judgments will cause the children who are affected. 

It is a shame that it is easier to believe pretty lies than it is to believe ugly truths

It is a shame that the innocent children must pay for the thoughtless and selfish adults that happened to bring them into the world

It is a shame that all parents do not put the well being of their children first

Mostly, it is a shame that our children do not have the right to remove themselves from abusive environments that make them fearful...unless of course the abuse is PHYSICAL! THEN everyone is up in arms. But our children can be emotionally wrecked and psychologically terrified and they are told they have to simply "deal with it" because it is a parents right to do this.

I will NEVER try to stop my children from spending time with their Father...as I have told both him and them repeatedly. When they are ready to go, they can go any time, any where and for any length of time. I think it is important for them to feel safe and able to stand up for themselves. I believe that without this right, they are being put into a very bad position. They are, once again, being told that their perceptions do not matter...and they are being told this by someone who simply does NOT know all the facts. If the court wants to, and can find a way to, FORCE my sons into a situation where they are uncomfortable...so be it. If their Father wants to, and can find a way to, force them...so be it. 

I will not stand in their way...but I will not be a party to forcing them to go into a position they find intolerable and abusive. THEIR opinion of intolerable and abusive should be considered...don't you think?