My How Things Change! (The small steps in achieving narcissistic manipulation)

My How Things Change!

(The small steps in achieving narcissistic manipulation)

These are the main steps used in co-opting my life and leaving an empty shell. I am certain I have omitted some other steps, but you get the point! Since this is from my point of view...the narcissist was a male. We all know it could, just as easily, be a female...

Step #1 - Hello. I am feeling pretty good. I just met a new person who really seems to like me. I realize that, in some ways, this person may not be ideal. Perhaps I am more educated, am more stable, seem to be more age appropriate in my achievements...but no one is perfect. Anyway, I still HAVE IT or this person would not be so OBVIOUSLY attracted to me. I am feeling confident and happy!

Step #2 - Things are going along just GREAT! We have been spending every minute together and we are getting so CLOSE. He is so understanding and he loves me SO MUCH that I can tell him ANYTHING! He knows things about me that I have never shared with anyone else, and he feels the same about me. It is wonderful to spend so much time with someone and NEVER run out of things to talk about. We are so compatible. We both love so many of the same things and we can just chat for hours and find new things we have in common.

Step #3 - I am in LOVE! I have never met anyone who I have so much in common with. He treats me like a queen. He would not care if we NEVER saw another living soul. All he wants is to be with me! My family and friends LOVE him. They all say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am SO LUCKY! He has sent me flowers every Monday because we met on a Monday. The other night I went home to find a bathroom full of candles and he had run a bubble bath for me! He can't keep his hands off me! We spend every minute together, so it does not make sense for us to pay for two apartments. He moved in with me. I know it is SUDDEN but this is a once in a lifetime! He is so happy that he has finally found someone who will appreciate him. His last girlfriend was a terrible person. She cheated on him with his best friend and she NEVER appreciated how thoughtful he is. She even made him lose his job by being so nasty to his boss! He says he has never felt like this before...never knew what REAL love was. Its like a dream! Even when I get cranky, he forgives me.  I met his Mother. She did not seem to really like me much but he says he doesn't care. HE LOVES ME...and that is what matters.

Step #4- He told me his old girlfriend called today. She is trying to get him to go back. He does not want to of course but he feels guilty for leaving her. He is such a nice guy, I really worry that he might get drawn back in.  I am going to REALLY make sure I show him how much I love him so I don't lose him. I KNOW how much he hates a dirty house so I am making sure to keep it tidy. He really doesn't like my best friend, Marian, I guess I will stop hanging out with her as much. She will understand. He is right, she has been acting funny. I really think she IS jealous of the great relationship I have found. She is always pointing out this and that about him that she doesn't like. She simply does not understand. We all have to make concessions. His good points are so GREAT so who cares about the little stuff. Anyway, most of the time he's right. Sometimes I just over-react to certain things and I do let people walk all over me. I am so glad I have him to protect me now...I just CAN'T LOSE him.

Step #5- I just don't understand! I can't figure out what I have done to make him change. He says it is me that has changed and I guess he might be right. It seems like I just can't do ANYTHING right anymore. I always get the feeling that he is ready to leave me no matter what I try to do. I can't seem to concentrate at all anymore. I have lost my keys three times in the last month and, if he had not been there to help me find them, I would have been late for work. He really is a lifesaver. I don't know what I would do without him. He had a long talk with my Mother and Sister the other night. They told me that he says he loves me very much but he does not know how much longer he is going to be able to keep this up. They all think that I may need to see a Doctor. Maybe it IS depression. I have an appointment next week. He is going to go with me to help me explain to the Doctor what is going on. I have a hard time putting it into words but, luckily, he sees it clearly. I am not sure how I would survive without him at this point.

Step #6- I am not feeling so happy anymore. When we are with other people, he is fine..but when we are alone he says awful things to me. He says I deserve it because I lied to him at the beginning. He says I am NOTHING like I pretended to be and now I have him trapped and obligated. He says he still loves me and he will stay with me, even though I am having all these problems...if I just TRY harder.  My family and friends say that I just don't know how good I have it...except Marian, and she and I never talk anymore. I had to cut things off with her because he said I got so much more depressed when I talked with her. She is a trouble maker.  I can never be sure what is going to upset him so I just don't say anything any more. I go along with whatever he wants. He lost his job so I am working two jobs now. Since everything else is so bad for him right now its the least I can do. At least I CAN work. That's productive. He has done everything he can to reduce my stress. He has taken over the bills and the money and all I have to do it take care of the house and work. I don't even seem to be able to do that right. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I am really careful not to say anything about our problems. He calls that "airing the dirty laundry". People see that I am not myself, but they don't know I am such a screw up at home. I sure would not want them to think I made a mistake.

Step #7- Wait a minute! He is still saying that I am not trying but I AM! I caught him in a lie the other day and he tried to tell me I was mistaken. His old girlfriend has been emailing him and when I saw the emails he said I should NOT have been looking at his email because I could not POSSIBLY understand. He says that I am INSANELY JEALOUS and that I make a big deal out of everything. When I try to talk to him about anything all he does is tell me I am crazy and walk away. I tried to talk to my Mother and Sister about it but they both said that I need to understand how lucky I am... having someone who loves me so much even with all my issues. They both said that he is not the kind of guy who would cheat and that my thinking he was is simply paranoid. They thought what was happening to me was just normal issues in a relationship and even said I was likely EXAGGERATING.  Well, maybe I am. I am not sure anymore. I am the only one who sees anything wrong so maybe it is me. Once thing is for sure. If I don't want them to think I am crazy, I better just keep it to myself.

Step #8- If he leaves I will be all alone! I will never find anyone else! My own family and friends do not believe me anymore. I found out that there was $5000 missing from our savings...but he says I agreed that he should pay a bill with it. I don't REMEMBER that at all! Am I crazy?! What is happening?!

Step #9 - He came in today and said he was leaving! He says he tried his best to help me but it is no use.  He has emptied the bank accounts and I am broke. My family says he was right to leave. He tried his best but he has to take care of himself if I am not willing to try. He told me, when we were alone, that he has been seeing someone else for the past year...but then denied it when my family asked him about it. They think I MADE IT UP! I have NOTHING! There is no reason for me to go on!

Step #10 - Add your own caption!