Building our Houses

Building our Houses
This illustration came to me one day and I have found it helpful in understanding the reasons why the N's behave the way they do. It does not make it less damaging and it certainly does not EXCUSE it. For ME it is important to understand the reasons for it and it keeps the knowledge of what our REAL adversaries look like fresh in my mind. This replaces the "image" of the powerful, fearful, unbeatable monster and replaces it with reality. It makes it easier for ME...and I hope you might find it helpful as well.

A "typical life" has a solid core of integrity and truth. The experiences we have had, the good AND the bad, are there. The lies we have told, the secrets we have kept, are there as well. They can be removed, replaced, manipulated and more can be added...but nothing changes the core...except a few more small holes may appear. One of those experiences (or pins) has nothing to do with all the others. The pins are NOT connected together...but they become a part of the cushion for a time. If one gets bent or rusted, we can choose to pluck it out and we still have our core. The core may become worn or dirty but it does not sustain damage that makes it non-functional. The CORE always REMAINS.

The narcissists life has no core. They have constructed their life, lie upon lie, each being balanced on the back of another. Each "fact" becomes more tenuously balance on the lie underneath it.  The narcissist senses this at some level. Despite the fact that they may profess to BELIEVE their own lies...or justify the lies as "the end justifying the means"...they KNOW that this is all a house built in their OWN minds. The majority of people WILL recognize a lie for what it is when it is discovered...and will SEE EXACTLY how one lie told changes the WHOLE story being told by the N. If one of the cards is torn, becomes worn or fails, the whole construct WILL BE DESTROYED. Especially hard to deal with is that the lies told furthest back in this construct will cause the MOST extensive damage. The narcissist, rather than trying to rebuild any part of this construct (even if it is only 2 layers down) chooses to guard the ENTIRE structure. Maybe they know that if the "cards" start to fall from the top they MAY just dislodge some nearer the bottom as well...and the whole thing may come tumbling dawn. Once the fall starts, there will be no core left. For this reason, they give ALL ENERGY to guarding the house of cards. They will try to DESTROY anyone who threatens it. NO ONE and NOTHING is important enough to divert their attention away from this task because they KNOW that it is very possible that all others in their lives will be lost when the house collapses anyway. The sad thing is that they are only PARTLY right. There are some people who might be able to deal with the truth and remain present with the N in their pile once it falls but instead the N continues to abuse and use them in order to protect the unstable house. EVENTUALLY, they succeed in completely burning those relationships as well. 
Throughout the span of a lifetime, they run into many people who have the capacity to start the collapse by bringing to light the lies upon which the construct is built. This exposed lie may be near the top of the pile or it may be very near the bottom...and the damage that can be done SIMPLY BY TELLING THE TRUTH, is likely to be significant. The only choice the N sees is to attempt to destroy these people or make them FEAR telling the truth by threat.  If the attempted destruction is INCOMPLETE...the threat REMAINS, FOREVER. This is likely the reason that N's never seem to really move on completely. They are too busy trying to PROTECT the house of cards from ALL threats. Some threats just never go away and some threats refuse to be silenced. 
Funny thing is, for the MOST part, these threats have NO INTEREST in bringing down this house...they merely want to be left alone and would gladly walk away from that house without doing any damage. The more the N torments these "threats" and forces them to defend themselves against the lies that they tell...the more the threat must defend and attempt to bring those lies to light. It would be INFINITELY smarter for the N to simply "play nice" or walk away...but they do not have this capability. They feel justified in making the "threats" PAY for seeing their own power, for knowing the truth, for LIVING. They FEEL like they are winning and they may have some small victories, but NOTHING will save that house when it starts to fall.
Even sadder is that the house is doomed from the very beginning. 
It can only be built so high before GRAVITY brings it down. 
It is inevitable.